The People in our Path

It was very liberating for me to admit to Todd the other day that I just don't like being Matthew's therapist.  I just want to be his Mom.  I can be a Mom-apist, but straight therapy stresses me out. 

About 6 months ago, Todd and I started going to Medford, OR to work with a group called the REACH Family Institute.  They focus on brain development under the theory that the brain has plasticity and can change in structure to meet functional needs--as you use it, like a muscle, areas of your brain can literally make new connections.  They believe that you focus on a child's potential--never on their label--and build on their strengths. They developed a program customized for Matthew that requires us to work with him for about 2.5 hours a day to strengthen his brain (includes sensory stuff, vestibular exercises, an intellectual program, etc.).  

Todd and I decided that we needed to hire someone to help us with this program because I am a therapy wuss!  I want to say I rock at it, connect with Matthew and he's so cooperative, but I end up with bruises when the therapy swing clobbers me in the shin or Matthew kicks me in the face when I try to get him to crawl through the tubes.  Admittedly, I get frustrated when he isn't cooperative and a little bored doing the same thing over and over.  Horrible, but it's how I feel. 

We had a glorious "helper" (Haley) who was Matthew's therapy angel for several months, but in Jan, when she went back to school, we had to hunt for someone new. A sweet, stunningly beautiful, articulate, driven, talented, personable 21 year old landed in our lap--Haley introduced us to her.  I thought for sure she would consider this job torture and thought she might be too cute to endure some of the abuse (not sure why those two things were connected in my brain) .  But she is a personal trainer, so I figured she'd be tough enough to at least defend herself against his occasional aggression.  

She has thrived.  Matthew adores her, cooperates, and even calls her by name now--Aubrey (Au-ree!).  Well, after my blog post, she wrote me the most incredible note and I was so touched by her perspective that I asked her permission to share her story.  I had NO IDEA we had found someone with such perfect empathy and wept as I read what she shared.  

Julie, first off I want to thank you for letting me into your home. You were an answer to my prayer, I needed a job every week for just a few hours to help me hit my goal of saving more money. So the first time I met your family I fell I love! All your kids are adorable and you were so friendly your house is beautiful I knew I was going to say yes. Then the first session of Therapy came with Matthew and I thought, "holy cow! This is more then what I signed up for" and I wanted to tell you I just could not do it, I just couldn't. But I had such a love for him! And I was quickly reminded how hard it was for me growing up. I grew up with many "Labels." I am dyslexic  ADD, Hypoglycemic and when I was much younger I had Anger management issues just to top it off.  I was labeled just like Mathew and it was hard to deal with, but because of the love of my mother, I knew I was loved and could do anything. When people would me call me dumb stupid or not want to be my partner in the group assignment because I know I couldn't fully do it because it was to hard, I would come home and cry. I was always being pulled out of class to go to the "special needs" room. I was never able to get off an IEP and I was in a class where I never belonged. they put me in classes with kids that had severe anger management issues, speech therapy, even severe cases of Down's syndrome. they clumped us together as the issues kids. But because of the struggle, because of all the crying on my moms shoulder, screaming because I didn't want to go to school, I have a love for anyone who is "different." I see people through different eyes and have been blessed with the ability to love everyone, no matter what challenge or circumstance in life. I have a firm and unmovable testimony that our Heavenly Father does answer prayers, that He would not give us a challenge that we cannot handle and cannot overcome, even if that means never truly overcoming it. Heavenly Father always put people in my life that could help me at school, that could help me at church. He will do the same for Matthew.  The main reason why I know these things it's because my mother knew it. My mother knew I wasn't stupid. My mother knew I wasn't lazy and I mother knew I had potential. My mother could see the little improvements. My mother never yelled at me because I was not understanding fast enough. She never thought I was anything less. She never treated me any different and never threw the label at me. You remind me of my mom. Just like her, you embrace Matthew, you love him, play with him and rejoice in his improvements. The world sucks and is mean. They will make him feel dumb, different, slow and the person they don't want to be a partner with. But because of you and your love, like my mothers, he will know he is loved, that he is special in a good way. He will know that you view him as the greatest blessing in your life and even if others can't rejoice in his small progress, he knows that you can. My mother couldn't protect me from the world, but what she could do is make the home a safe-haven--a place where I belonged and a place where we could rejoice in my small achievements. She also gave me the confidence to never listen to what others are saying...to never let it sink in and to never let life get you down. Matthew is so lucky to get the blessing of growing up in your home where you will do the same and already are. Thank you for letting me work with him, I love it!! Even when it's hard I know that I am where I am because others didn't give up on me and I will never give up on him.

For any Mom who wonders if their role is important, please remember that there are times when we are the only person who believes in, supports, and recognizes the worth and potential of our children.  We cannot fail to communicate that to them.  

I believe in my Matthew.  I can only pray that someday Matthew reflects on this time in his life and, like Aubrey, sees the consistency of our confidence, love and belief in him.