I sometimes start my posts by setting the stage a bit and describing the landscape from which whatever insight emerged. I never want that to come across as complaining; rather, it is intended to offer perspective. This post will be no different.
Matthew is the tasmanian devil's twin. I swear it. Either that or a copy cat with perfect knowledge of my buttons and how to push them. Main button lately--chucking everything imaginable. I put something on the counter, he sweeps it off. I put food on the table, he hucks it onto the floor via the walls. I give him a book, he throws it. He gets hold of a phone, it ends up in a thousand pieces on the ground. This activity is not limited to our home and takes place in a variety of locations. SO you can imagine just how much this is tapping my cat-like reflexes as I attempt to intervene and thwart his chucking attempts. It is constant and,when it happens, I want to scream (not exaggerating) or punch something (or someone...but I don't). The other main button is auditory--Matthew is making these ear-piercing, high-pitched, incredibly loud screams and growling at me when angry, saying things like, "pick up!" after the afore mentioned chucking, and in a lovely troll voice. And as though his vocalizations aren't effective at getting my attention (though I try to fake otherwise and ignore to the best of my ability), he likes to incessantly bang, slam, scrape, or pound anything that will make noise. It is overwhelming to me. I think I have sensory issues. I'm tempted to go in a get diagnosed so I can self-medicate or give myself doctor-prescribed time outs or something.
Well, this morning came too soon--after only 4 hours of sleep (piggybacked onto the 3 I got last night as we were up with Liam puking the night before). Matthew started to scream "OUT!" around 5:30. I dragged my carcass out of bed and walked past his room before entering...and smelled the reason he woke up. So I haz-matted up and cleaned, sanitized, and wiped until order had been restored. Matthew, after his bath, ran into the other kids' room at top volume, slamming the door over and over in his wake. That did not help the waking mood of the other two and you can imagine how things just started to build. I resorted to begging my littles to go a little easy on poor, tired Mom. Begged. Described in vivid detail my exhaustion and laid it on as thick as I could in hopes that a piece of pleading might get through (you've gotta be dramatic when raising a three-nager).
I was already practicing zen breathing by the time Liam and Adi came down. But what happened next totally took me off guard. Liam came over and said, "Mom, what can I do to help?" I asked him to please give Matthew his smoothie. So he took Matthew's hand, walked him over to his chair, sat him down, buckled him in, and gave him his smoothie. He turned to me and said, "Mom, I'm going to feed him breakfast." I handed him some cereal to give Matthew to keep him distracted until actual breakfast was ready. Liam took out three pieces and counted them, "Matthew, here's one...two...three!" And Matthew said "three" with him. He then started to do an exercise with Matthew that he has heard me do...."take away one, and you have one...two!" And Matthew said "two!" with him. The dialog continued as my patient little angel took over and handled the hardest of children with the ease of a professional therapist. I had no idea how much he was watching.
As I reflected on that experience (that literally changed the feeling of our entire morning), I realized a few things. First, Liam is oh so capable. I underestimate the ability of my children to help. I also try to protect them from Matthew sometimes--I don't ever want them to view their brother as a burden, so we are super conscious about asking them to help with stuff related to Matthew's challenges. But they want to help because they are part of our family and they love me. We are on the same team. Second, I realized I am not alone even when I'm the only adult around anymore. I often feel overwhelmed when Todd is gone--almost scared. Sounds pathetic and wussy, but it is HARD to have unstructured time and it makes me feel claustrophobic in my own life when things start to get out of hand and I am at a loss as to how to help the situation improve. But I didn't figure it out this morning...Liam did. And third, we have done something right! It is rare that I feel this way, but if the example we are setting for Liam is one of cherishing Matthew, treating him with respect and patience, trying to help him at every opportunity, then I feel great about that.
That little experience this morning was a gift--I can almost say I'm grateful for the crazy because it often breeds beautiful moments like that one! And I'm so grateful to have my team--Liam was the MVP today!
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