A few days after Matthew's diagnosis, I was moderating an event for work. The speaker was a man named Aman. I have seen a thousand web events and we have hosted some of the most incredible speakers in the world on our platform. I'm so lucky because often times, I forget I'm working and get lost in the content. Well, this was one of those presentations. There was something he said that stuck with me that I want to share because it has guided my thoughts and behavior over the past two weeks.
He was talking about the fact that we are a world mired in the idea that we need answers--we search for answers. The ultimate quest is to find answers. He suggested that is a paradigm that we need to shift and realize that the power comes not necessarily in the answers, but in learning to ask the right questions. My take on it--we cannot ask a question that is beyond our circle of knowledge. We can only ask those that are right on the outside edge of that circle. As our knowledge expands, we are able to ask better, deeper, more profound, searching questions. And our circle of knowledge will continue to expand as we do so. It stops when we think we get to answers.
He also suggested that there are two sides to everything--more than one way of looking at everything (like two sides to a coin--completely different, opposite each other, but both part of the same coin). Again, my take on it--as we ask questions and start to understand both sides of the coin, we are better equipped to make good decisions.
This made me think about my quest to get answers about Matthew's diagnosis. I wanted to put a label on it for the sake of understanding and so that I knew how to deal with it. But I realize that I will be able to learn even more if I focus more on asking the right questions. An example of that is the question that we were asked on every eval, but that I always struggled a little bit to answer--what are Matthew's strengths? The more time I spend focusing on those types of questions, the more progress I believe we will make in understanding and bonding with our son which is the ultimate goal for us.