SO this is not the kind of blog that I typically post here, but I feel very strongly about something and need a place to diagram my thoughts with words, if that makes any sense. It works for me.
I need to offer context before I share what has been ruminating in my brain....
At the end of last school year, I went on a tour of a new project-based learning campus in our school district that Liam would have the option of attending. I was super impressed by the school and their learning philosophy as well as the amazing and dedicated people they have working there. However, the experience left me unsettled--there was a showcase of some of the informational 8th grade research projects based on historically significant events that was presented tradshow style. At a certain point, three of those groups did a live presentation, including Q&A, and the 5th graders were allowed to participate and coached how to ask appropriate questions about the presentations and their experience.
One of those was about marriage equality. Because I was curious how that fit in with things like the Great Depression, the CA gold rush, WWI, WWII, MLK, etc., I chose to attend that one. It did make sense as the girls doing the presentation highlighted significant court cases that led to the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States. They did a very nice job of setting that up. However, as the presentation progressed, they did a role-play that included a girl with same-sex attraction and she was being bullied. The recommendation of her shoulder-angel is that she learn about other people who had stood up for the rights of a suppressed or otherwise persecuted group and become her own advocate. Taking courage, the girl becomes a gay-rights advocate and, at the conclusion of the presentation, all four girls "came out" as lesbians and played the lyric "I kissed a girl and I liked it" by Katie Perry. The Q&A included the admonition "whether you are 13 or 30, you need to decide if you are gay or not"....this encouraged by 8th graders to an audience of 5th graders who also were asking the question "what's a heterosexual?" as part of that same Q&A.
Feeling like they had overstepped the boundary between informational and persuasive, I had conversations with the principal and later the superintendent of the school district, encouraging them to inform parents that this presentation had taken place so that those parents could have conversations with their 5th graders about the topic. I caught wind of friends and friends of friends whose kiddos came home and were asking things like "am I gay? Do I need to figure it out?" which made very clear to me that the topic was premature and concerned that it was presented as factual by a trusted, educational source; therefore, the validity of the statement wasn't necessarily being questioned, but rather, what do I (as a 5th grader) need to do with this information. The power of suggestion in some of the things that were said, though unintentional I'm sure, overstepped what even administrators deemed as appropriate and I believe it probably prompted some discussions among them (though none of that was actually shared with me, so that is speculative).
Liam now attends this school and is thriving. However, this experience has been followed by others where a teachers sexuality (bisexual) was mentioned to students and where math problems have included statements about "identifying as female." None of this is super alarming to me, but on the coat-tails of what happened earlier, it has caused some reflection about the place that these conversations have in our school system.
I was recently asked to participate in a committee focused on parent wellness in our district--we are charged with helping to make sure that parents are appropriately equipped/educated when it comes to the social and emotional health of their children/our students. I LOVE that our district pays attention to that. The focus on student wellness is admirable, but to realize the massive role that parents play in the social and emotional health of our children and be dedicated to providing them with resources as well is extra-mile effort. The attention to this topic has led to some amazing experiences and offerings within our district and I'm proud to play a tiny role in making sure that continues...and that the right things are being offered and addressed. I bring this up because in a recent meeting, some of these ruminating thoughts started to take shape when the issue of health education started to be discussed.
For some time, I have had concerns about the state of WA legislation and subsequent discussion about gender education starting in kindergarten. That idea seems alarming, so I went to research exactly what that means and found a proposed timeline for what that might look like and was reassured that the discussions would be "age appropriate." They aren't blasting K with ideas about gender identity....more just making kids aware of gender stereotypes and saying "boys can like pink and girls can like blue. You don't have to tease them for that." So don't freak out when you read that sentence. As I dug deeper and the grade levels got higher, the proposed discussion got more unclear to me, though. There is a statement in the states legislation that says something like this: how this (gender component of health education) is implemented is left to the discretion of the local community and should reflect the values of those that live there. So it basically says that the decision of how this plays out will be made locally.
Our district plans to have discussions with a committee of local healthcare providers and others who are charged with advising the district on issues of student wellness. They then plan to have listening posts with parents who will have the opportunity to express their opinions. Following that, they will make a decision as to how they want to implement the gender education piece in the overall health curriculum which is already being taught in our district. They are giving parents the chance to preview it, as is standard, and they always have the option to opt out.
OK. That is the context. All of this is swimming around in my head as well as thoughts about how I want to teach my children about these issues specifically--that of gender and sexuality. They are issues that have moral implications, carry with them a lot of debate and strong feelings. These issues have led to depression and even suicide in those who face confusion or are making life-altering decisions about their own feelings. I have the utmost compassion for how difficult those choices must be.
I'm sure I'm not phrasing this correctly and might offend someone with the words I use, but please choose to see beyond that to the message. I will be clear--I believe that God made man and woman and our gender is not a choice we get to make--it is not flexible. That opinion makes me unpopular in some circles and might offend the mother of a child who feels like they are trapped in a body with the wrong genitalia. BUT...do not stop reading before you get to this point...I respect her and love her and her child. I admire the courage with which she supports her child. I encourage her unconditional love for him or her and support with everything in me that effort to embrace what she didn't choose as a struggle, for her or her kiddo. THAT right there is the point. Not the issue....the human.
In our efforts to save those who face these battles and to eliminate, in the states words, any "barriers to learning" (including emotional battles that come as a result ostracizing, bullying, etc), to protect them, the state is looking to education--knowledge is power. Knowledge helps to, in a way, make less scary things that we might otherwise be afraid of. It helps us to see with different eyes. All of those things I support and agree with. I need to do research to validate my feeling that there is also a "power of suggestion" that needs to be considered as we decide when that is appropriate. That piece of the puzzle is something that I worry is given less weight than the desperation to protect by encouraging tolerance.
Tolerance. Buzz word that I feel is so misunderstood. Tolerance has a responsibility that comes with it--if you demand it, you also offer it. It should not be motivated by a desire to convince people that you are right. That is persuasion. A request for tolerance and advocacy for such requires reciprocation. You should model what you are advocating--its almost a pre-requisite of making the request.
Instead of observing this reciprocation, I see hypocrisy. I hear cries for tolerance that result in divisiveness--the very people making the plea refusing to acknowledge people who feel differently deserve the same respect and tolerance for that stance. It is almost as if opposition is not allowed--that in order to be considered tolerant, you have to agree. Rather, I believe that we should agree to disagree agreeably. Diversity is magical and creates complimentary strengths, enhances any group in which is exists, and breeds beautiful, open-minded, respectful relationships. Sameness might come with comfort, but it does not fuel education and personal growth in the same way that differences do.
Society is morally stretching, but not everyone who chooses NOT to compromise certain morals deserves to be labeled as close-minded, criticized or called intolerant. In fact, I consider myself to be extremely tolerant and do my very best to offer the same genuine respect and love to ALL humans, regardless of their beliefs. Just because I do not evolve with society in embracing the idea that gender is fluid does not mean that I shun or bash or am afraid of those that do. The voice of the those who would be considered socially conservative is being silenced out of fear that we might offend someone whose beliefs differ from ours....and yet those who have different beliefs are granted the right to speak out without filter.
My point? I believe that our focus as a community needs to be on this idea that mutual respect does NOT have boundaries and cannot have caveats--that it needs to include ALL students....like for real. My morals might not be the norm any more, but my desire not to compromise them deserves the same tolerance that a person whose moral compass points them in a completely different direction, no matter how supported by government, education, society, etc.
We need to be teaching children less how to speak to advocate a cause and more how to listen to preserve or mend a relationship. We need to preach REAL tolerance rather than "edgy" or popular tolerance. We need to seek to understand more and work to convince less. We need to take inventory of our own ability to do this, improve where necessary, and then model it for our children.
To the issue of health, gender and sex education, I suggest that we not "opt out" but rather "opt in" and have pre-emptive conversations with our children so that the only influence they hear is not that of their friends who did attend. In those conversations with our children, we need to teach them not only what your family believes, but how to respond to those that feel differently. Teach them that they have a responsibility to offer respect and kindness to EVERYONE; that there is NEVER an excuse to be unkind.
Stephen R. Covey has a quote that I have hung on my wall so my children see it every morning: "Be a light...not a judge. Be a model...not a critic." I believe that applies, regardless of how divisive the issue. Our responsibility is to LOVE...not change those around us. If we can instill a little bit more of this at home, the state and our schools will feel less desperate to develop programs to keep all students safe because we will do a better job of taking care of each other.
I get that my opinions might sometimes be unpopular, but please offer me the same courtesy that I have committed to offer you. Everyday, I have to examine my intentions and make sure I am not getting off track, swayed by the drama of a world that is going in a direction that I morally abhor. If I am "on-track," I won't fear the normalization of moral stretching or avoid people who think and feel differently than I do. Rather, I'll throw myself into the middle of a community of friends I love and respect who are fighting their own emotional battles (and often bear the scars of those battles) and try to be a better friend to them, regardless of differences of opinion.
